her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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