There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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