Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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