no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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