If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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