I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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