Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
