I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
