Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
