i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
