Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
