is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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