I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
