Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
