it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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