I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
