Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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