so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
