come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
