We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
