She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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