The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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