I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
