Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
