At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
