he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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