Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
