He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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