fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found your dick twin last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
