Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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