no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
