Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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