he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
