my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
