You can't motorboat a personality
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
