i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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