I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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