...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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