I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
