A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
