I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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