Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
