I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still have a little drunk in my system
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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