so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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