she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
