I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
