SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
