What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
