Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Randomize
