weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
