she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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