Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
