that's an acceptable place to lick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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