absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
