@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
