guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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