weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
