What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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