considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
