I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
