The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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