He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
