did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
