Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
