I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
