Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
3 2 1 whiskey
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
