don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
