You're so nebulous sometimes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
