I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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