im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
