So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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