wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
