i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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