so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am mentally ready for anal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
