Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
