Whod you bang
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
