You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
