11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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