is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
