I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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