Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
