My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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